Harnessing Your Inner Circle
Take A Good Look…. Who’s Around You?
Have you ever heard the phrase: "If you hang out with nine losers, you will become the 10th," it’s a powerful reminder of the profound influence our friends can have on our lives.
I never considered myself to be “popular” and I for sure didn’t consider myself to be an absolute loser or loner either. What I will tell you is that when shit got real, it sure showed me who was.
Today, I can count on one hand the individuals that I would consider solid “friends.” It wasn’t always this way. My rambunctious years throughout high school I thought I had it all figured out. I was always out with a group of people. I never wanted to miss out on anything. I always wanted to be involved. I thought I was a pretty likable person. To be honest I felt I had acquired a multitude of meaningful connections and people that I could count on…
As time came and went. People drift apart. Real life shit happens. Lessons were learning. Oh man, was I shown what needed to be seen.
I had a tendency of always being a people-pleaser. I was always doing for others without expecting anything in return. I was always the first one to offer support, a kind word, a ride, an extra dollar… whatever. Not until I was personally in the position to need someone there for me did I take a good hard look around. Who was there? No one.
I fell into hard drugs. No one was there to express concern. I was homeless. No one offered me a place to stay or means of help. I sat in jail for a year with not a single soul coming to visit me except for my father every Monday morning for 20 minutes. When the party was over, I went through all of my toughest battles with not a single one of those people by my side. Not a single lick of encouragement, support, or understanding.
It still didn’t sink in right away. I felt like it was my wrong doings that caused people to retract or not care about me. I made excuses for them; accepting their absence as them having more important things to do. I blamed myself for not being a person deserving of their time, efforts, or concern. I allowed neglect and mistreatment willingly from all of the people that claimed to “care.”
The more drastically I became inclined to work on bettering myself the clearer things became. The longer I reestablished and believed in my own self-worth it became real easy to decipher who was and wasn’t worth having in my life.
I’m still astounded when I reflect back and see just how truly detrimental having the wrong connections were for me for so many years . I kept friends around for the sake of telling myself that I valued the “friendship”, when in reality there was nothing to the “friendship” to begin with.
The people you surround yourself with shape your beliefs, attitudes, and aspirations, and ultimately determine your path to success or failure. The power of influence our social circles play hold a crucial role in shaping who we are.
We absorb the values, behaviors, and habits of those we spend the most time with. This is why it is essential to surround yourself with people who inspire and challenge you to be your very best self. If you are in the company of individuals who lack ambition, motivation, and purpose, it is only a matter of time before those characteristics rub off on you.
The role of peer pressure is not limited to teenagers trying to fit in; it affects adults too. When you are surrounded by individuals who engage in unhealthy or unproductive behaviors, you may feel compelled to conform to their standards. This can be detrimental to your personal and professional growth. Therefore, being selective about your friends and their values is essential to avoid being influenced negatively.
Striving for excellence and picking your friend group wisely is not about being elitist or judgmental. It is about recognizing that your social circle has a significant impact on your life and taking responsibility for your own growth and success. Surrounding yourself with individuals who have achieved what you aspire to can be incredibly motivating. It is an opportunity to learn from their experiences, gain insights, and strive for excellence.
You can not control other people. Take them as they are and decide what you will or will not allow in your life. It is up to you to hold yourself accountable and answer honestly ‘Does this person add value to my life.’ If the answer is no, or the bad far out weighs the good, then it is up to you to distance yourself or severe the tie to that relationship. It does not make you a bad person for considering your own needs and well-being.
Especially in the realm of recovery. I know all too well what the outcome of poor friend choices can lead to…. That it did lead to.
I started partying in high school. Smoking weed, drinking, and doing cocaine. All of my friends were doing it, so of course it was not hard at all to join right in. When I fell into my chronic use with meth and heroin I surrounded myself with people that would steal the shirt right off my back, never mine give me theirs. Legal repercussions had surfaced and of course the first one’s to turn on you and throw you under the bus are the same ones who are claiming to be your “ride or dies” and the definition of “loyalty.” Let’s all just laugh at that together.
“If you can’t build with them don’t chill with them.”
Cultivating a supportive network goes beyond just avoiding negative influences. Choosing your friends wisely means building a supportive network. Surrounding yourself with like-minded individuals who share your passions, values, and goals can provide you with a strong support system. These friends will encourage, motivate, and hold you accountable, making it easier to stay on track towards your dreams and ambitions.
After I made the conscious decision to get my life together, started distancing myself from those who meant me no good, and stayed away from harmful environments life felt really lonely for awhile.
When you start to make changes and participate in doing the right things for yourself, those who are continuing to do wrong automatically fall off and out of your life. It takes little to no effort to cut ties with those people. They are doing what they usually and have always done; not a care in the world if you’re busy doing good for yourself. They go their way and you go yours. When you avoid trigger some environments that eliminates the possibility of accumulating anymore friendships that include harmful habits or behaviors. If you’re going out to the bar every weekend, even if you’re not drinking, but just to socialize… what sort of people do you think you are going to meet there?
Now if you chose to replace your night out on the town with a night attending a local NA or AA meeting, what kind of people do you think you will meet or connect with there? One’s that are focusing on the same things that you are. Those are the sort of connections you should be focusing on trying to make.
If you are choosing to keep connections with people who make you feel undervalued, mistreated, stressed, sad, alone, frustrated then those are not your people. Once you start to take yourself seriously you will not allow anyone else to make you feel that way. You will be confident that you deserve better. You will see once you rid your life of the toxic and heavy weighted friendships how much will truly change for you. How much lighter life becomes, and how much better you start to feel.
I am forever grateful for the amazing people that I have in my life today. People that inspire me. People that help lift me up when I’m feeling down. People that reassure me of my worth on the days I doubt it. People that are always cheering me on and commending me for all that I have done. People who care for me when I am struggling. People who do not critique or judge me harshly. People who express joy for the things that bring me joy. People that join in with me doing sober and productive activities. People that I can go to and trust for advice. Find your people.
While it is essential to be compassionate and nonjudgmental, it's equally important to be discerning about who you spend your time with. By selecting a friend group that aligns with your values and aspirations, you can harness the power of positive influence and set yourself on a path to success and personal growth. These are the people who will walk alongside you, offering the emotional support, motivation, and sense of belonging that are so vital to your recovery. So, choose your friends wisely. They have the power to shape your destiny.
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