The First 30 Days
Choosing to get sober is one of the most significant decisions you can make in your life. It's a choice that reflects your strength, your courage, and your desire to live a better, healthier, and more fulfilling life.
Today, I want to celebrate your choice to embark on this journey and share my own experiences, hoping they will resonate with you and inspire you to tackle the next 30 days and beyond.
I've been where you are. I've tried to get sober multiple times and failed. Each time, the weight of disappointment felt heavier, not just because I stumbled, but because I was making the choice for others.
Whether it was for my family, friends, or society's expectations, my attempts lacked a crucial element: my own genuine commitment to myself.
The beginning of your sobriety journey will be by far the most intimidating and taunting phase. The initial days are fraught with challenges, and the cravings can feel insurmountable. The fear of failure can be paralyzing. But let me assure you - if I can get through it, there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that you are more than capable too!
If I could give my old self some advice and something that I hope you can take away as well, it would be…
Don’t look at the whole mountain. You’ll want to turn right back around. Head up, and take one step at a time. Literally. When you look at how far you have to go, it’s discouraging and makes the desire to start disappear, real quick.
The people who think you are more "fun” when you’re out drinking and using and continue to involve you in such behaviors, while they have witnessed your downfall tied to doing so - they are not your friends.
Life does not become easy, just because you made the choice to get sober. You still have to experience things. You still have lessons to learn. You’re still going to be faced with difficult emotions. There is no skipping chapters or a “get out of jail free card” Sobering up, is going to allow you to handle these things, without thinking your life is over.
Life is not filled with more excitement and joy when you’re loaded. But, you have to put in the work to rebuild a life that you wouldn’t want drugs or alcohol to help you escape from. Sitting alone and isolating at home, staring at the wall, or watching tv, is not going to generate your dream life. Sobriety does not have to involve misery. We make it that way.
You will find joy again. There will come a time when you are doing the most mundane task- making a cup of coffee, reading a book, sitting on your deck, driving down the road, listening to music, and it’s going to hit you. Happiness. It has seemed so foreign, for so long, that the moment it creeps up on you, you will not be able to not notice it. And when you do, it will be one of the most liberating feelings.
All of the things that you have yourself convinced you lack - it’s a false narrative. You will believe it in time. The drugs and alcohol lie to you, it’s their job. Just wait, life is about to get so good for you!
All of these things are so easy for me to sit down at this point in my recovery and jot down with confidence. If someone else were to pass this information down to me (like so many had) back then, I more than likely would continue to dismiss it.
For so long, I had myself convinced that I wanted to get sober. What I really wanted was to stop having to face the consequences for my using. There’s a difference.
I would blame the world for falling short and for my failure to get clean. It was always someone else’s fault, or some other set of unfortunate circumstances that resulting in my continued use. Convenient right?
Over the years, I had been to countless programs, inpatient facilities, outpatient services, individual counseling, juvenile and adult behavioral modification programs… you name it - I’ve been there. My inability to get and stay clean was due to the fact that they all sucked (The lies I had myself convinced of).
I would receive guidance and help on what I should and shouldn’t be doing, especially in the very beginning with my sobriety. I of course, would pick and choose what I was going to listen to. Then, when I fell back in the rabbit hole, I’d reassure myself that I was incurable. A life of sobriety wasn’t one for me.
I never understood why shit had to be so difficult. Until, I reached the point of being sick of my own nonsense. I was able to shrug off my parents, and their continual harping and disappointment for years. I was able to bite the bullet and face legal consequences for my drug induced choices. I was able to withstand the continuous cycle of probation checkins, sneaking under the radar with my urine screens, not having a cent to my name, typical "addict” lifestyle stuff…
Until, I was just so over it. Me, myself, and I. I was done. It wasn’t about my parents threatening me and kicking me out. It wasn’t about being phased that past relationships failed. It wasn’t about trying to avoid the law. It wasn’t about pleasing anyone else. It was me.
I was tired.
I had every doubt in the world that I wouldn’t be able to do it. Only because that’s what I had myself convinced of. And, that was my pattern. Making promises I had no intention of keeping. Looking for any way to still use and choose that lifestyle, without actually having to live in it.
My sobriety journey became a lot easier when I decided to accept the fact that I did NOT in fact know what was best for me. While counselors, mentors, doctors, and other recovering addicts tried to show me the path - I put up a good fight. I was more than defiant, because I didn’t really want to do any of that shit.
In order for change to happen, you have to actually implement change. Weird concept, I know.
Their answers to my problems seemed so medioacre and elementary.
Change people, places, and things.
Go to meetings.
Set a new routine.
Practice good self-care
Journal
Reach out
Get a sponsor
Blah, blah, BLAH…
Sounds pretty useless and pointless is you asked me.
But what else did I really have to loose? Everything I was doing clearly wasn’t working. And, to be honest I wasn’t really doing much at all. Any time I had accumulated a short amount of consecutive sober days, they were spent abstinent from substances, but also abstinent from any value of life.
I was not having a good time.
If there’s one thing I hope you can take away from this - do not have the same defiant attitude that I did towards recovery. There’s a beautiful life outside of drugs and alcohol that are waiting for you. But, you have to want it. And, you have to to go and get it. It doesn’t just come to you. Unfair, I know.
I had spent so many years stuck in my addiction, that I had no idea who I was without drugs or alcohol. I needed to do some major self-evaluating and ultimately completely rebuild. I had to reintroduce myself to myself. I had no idea what I liked to do for fun. I had no idea who my real friends were. I had no idea what my favorite color was. I was so consumed in that lifestyle that I was robbed of any sort of intimate internal connection with myself.
As shitty and as scary as that may seem, there is nothing more beautiful than giving yourself the opportunity to grow and learn. Today, as someone with multiple years of sobriety under their belt, I now can tell you the things I like and dislike. I can tell you what my values are. I can tell you what my goals are… When I first got sober, I could not.
So, let this be your motivation - that even if you don’t have a single fucking thing figured out right now. You will. I promise.
Life started to change drastically for me when I chose to start listening. Like REALLY listening. All of the pointless “bullshit” that I had let go in one ear and out the other throughout the course of trying to find a better life. I revisited and changed my stance on.
All the “stupid” and “pointless” words of advice given, I gave them a shot. That’s when shit changed. When I sucked it up and headed face first into some definite feelings of discomfort and transition. But, thank God I did! That’s when there was a noticeable shift.
When I started to do the things I didn’t want to do, to get me to the places that I knew I wanted to be. That was the answer.
I came to learn that a majority of the things that began as an “inconvenience”, became some of the very things I enjoy most now in my day-to-day life.
I started setting boundaries, and letting go of old acquaintances that did not contribute to my growth. I forced myself to go to meetings and clenched my teeth the entire time. Hoping my nerves wouldn’t make me regurgitate my last meal. I started journaling every single day. I opened a bible (Was caught off guard when I realized there was stuff of real value in there). I made a routine and stuck to it. Nothing elaborate. Get up before 10 am so you don’t feel like a lazy sack of potatoes. Go to bed before 2 am. Nothing unrealistic or unobtainable. My dad always told me, “Nothing good ever happens after midnight.” Only took me about 28 years to grasp the concept. But, I get it now. He was right.
I had to make a conscious effort every single day. Sobriety and your recovery, just like any other disease or illness needs to be maintained regularly. It’s not something that there is a magic cure for. It is not something you outgrow. It is something you accept, adapt, and learn to manage in the best way possible. That is how you’re going to get to the life that you so much deserve.
I used to always think being an addict or having addictive tendencies was a punishment. I didn’t know what I ever did to deserve to be handed this set of problems to navigate throughout my life.
The longer I put in the work to stay clean and really start living a life in recovery… not just a life of abstinence … but truly in recovery - I now know it was not a punishment. You and I both, whoever is reading, we are not permanently flawed, we are not forever lacking, we are not less than any other. Your challenges were uniquely given to you, because you have the power to overcome them. This path, this journey, was made to bring you to be who you were meant to be.
You are not your past. You are not your relapses. You are not your mistakes. You are not who the drugs and alcohol and the rest of the world tried to convince you that you are. Don’t stay stuck where you are just because you don’t believe there is better for you. There is.
It’s not going to be easy. There are going to be days that you’re fed up. There are going to be broken pieces that can’t be fixed overnight. There are going to be ugly things resurfaced. There are going to be urges that bring you to the absolute edge. There will be moments you want to throw it all away and say “fuck everything.”
Nothing you are bound to face in your sobriety will be worth dragging you backwards. Not one single obstacle or problem you will face will be resolved by picking up a bottle or using that drug. It’ll still be right there waiting for you to sober back up.
You can do this. I have put together the following worksheet bundle for those interested. Here you’ll find 120+ printable worksheets that walk you through step - by - step. Day by day the first 30 days. The following techniques and tips shared all compassionately composed by myself. These are exact steps that I have taken that have lead me to successfully maintaining my long-term sobriety.
You’ll work along side me as we dive into topics about understanding your addiction, doing a personal inventory, self- love and self-awareness assessing, establishing your goals, morals, and values. We’ll take a look and discuss your specific relapse prevention plan.
I have conveniently provided a tracker bundle. Allowing you to track and celebrate progress with urges, goals, mood, sober dates, healthy activities, and more! We will take a look at letting go of the past and working through things that may be hindering to your sobriety. I will personally take you through all the motions I myself went through to establishing a new life in recovery.
This bundle not only allows you to navigate the early stages of recovery, but they can be revisited and worked on continuously throughout your recovery journey. All the topics discussed are elements and practices I still have engrained in my life today.
As always, the best way we can continue to learn and grow is from one another. Feel free to send me a message or leave a comment with your story. Each person’s journey is one of it’s very own. We can all help inspire one another and spread the message of hope. If you have any helpful tips that worked for you, please share with the rest of us! We’d love to hear from you!
