Josh’s Story
Hello my name is Joshua Nicholson. In 2007, I started to stray away from the faith I grew up with. Drinking and partying for hours on end until I would black out. Some have asked why I went from a kid growing up in church to exploring drugs and drinking.
For me, it was too have friends and to numb the pain of having a dad who's health has not been good for years. In 2008, my dad suddenly passed away and I ran to the only numbness I knew, which was in a bottle and pills.
For 3 weeks, I was either at work, or drink and high. I began to pull back from the alcohol when I went into orders for the military. During that time, I went through withdrawals and it was hard. When I came home every weekend it was bonfires, drinking, and trying to come to terms with losing my dad at 19. Why wasn't he here when is need him the most?
So, I continued to drink heavily around my work schedule. This continued for years, I tried moving away from home and moved to Minnesota and got my gf at the time pregnant. Before I found out she was pregnant, I had moved back to Wisconsin and was spiraling. Drinking almost every night, I had suffered a shoulder injury and was prescribed oxy and I was hooked. It would numb me so I began using it whenever I didn't want to feel anything.
I had lost control and in turn had lost my financial stability and moved back home. During this time I couldn't get my pills from a doctor so I moved to getting it any way I could. But, I continued on this destructive path until 2011 when my daughter was born.
The day my daughter was born, I called a friend to go with me and went through many struggles just to see her at the hospital. This gave me a reason to not want to feel our care anymore. Couldn't keep a relationship or a job. I resigned from the volunteer fire department I had been on since high school because I knew I couldn't have both and I wanted to be numb more than help people.
In 2012, I met a woman we will call “A” who believed in me. I gave up the pills and drugs and was doing extremely well until 2013 when I began to spiral and I relapsed, broke off the engagement and disappeared from my friends, church, and anything that didn't fund my addiction or make me numb or give short term satisfaction.
After numerous failed relationships that would only last a week or 2 I wanted my life back. So I applied for a job, got clean to pass the drug test and then ended up meeting someone we will call “B.” I began to go to church again. Things were going really well until an arrhythmia caused me to spiral to an extreme so I went to my dealer then went home to take my life.
This was the end of 2014. I don't remember much of the hospital stay but I did find out that my brother and after that event, ex gf, had found me and called 911. I was rushed to the hospital. I don't remember the day I woke up, but I had been in the ICU.
I remember waiting for a bed in the psych ward and eating ice cream and my first meal I remember, bruises on my wrists and ankles from the restraints they had to use when I was unconscious due to trying to pull out my breathing tube and IV's. I was moved to my room, and early my first day on the floor, my childhood pastor came and talked to me and that has stuck with me to this day.
He said, “Josh I know you are in pain, but God is not done with you yet.”
He prayed with me and then I went back to my meeting. I was diagnosed with anxiety and severe depression. I was placed on medications and began counciling. I didn't like how the medication made me feel so I worked hard on coping mechanisms and healthy habits like working out, being connected in my church and spending time with family.
I was doing great until the end of 2015, when I lost a close friend, and I couldn't understand when, my depression began to creep in again and at the beginning of 2016, lost another friend and began self harming and drinking heavily again.
I knew I needed help. So, I approached my leaders in my unit and in my church. In 2016, it was decided to honorably discharge me from the military and I took that hard as well but was able to with help and counseling getting my life back in order.
I never during that time relapsed on drugs. In 2018, my lung collapsed while working at the fire station and I refused all pain medications. I had to have a chest decompression. During my recovery, I’ve learned a lot - that I don't need pills to be able to deal with pain and that I have the strength to keep going.
I now can say, I have been clean 10 years from drugs, in October by God's grace and mercy. I have had my depression and anxiety pretty well under control for 8 years and no longer drink in excess. I have reestablished my walk with the Lord and continue to seek his will.
I met Heidi, through my friend and mentor Brad, and her story has brought hope to my story as well. Knowing that we do not fight alone and we can recover. From 2018-2023 I rejoined the fire service and served in both fire and EMS.
Until a few life situations occurred. I then had a significant knee injury in which I tore my acl, mcl, and meniscus at the same time. I went to the hospital but shared that I was an addict and wanted no prescription pain medications and went through 3 months of physical therapy and surgery and recovery with no medications besides ibuprofen and regular Tylenol.
I believe that was because of my support system, my family and most of all God giving me strength through it all. Today, I'm sharing my story to share there is hope and even though I still face struggles in life, my hope is in God, and I never want to go back to my old life.
I have an amazing relationship with my daughter and my family. I can say there is Hope in recovery and there is a whole new life waiting on recovery and in God. 4 years ago I began working on social media raising mental health awareness and recovery awareness. 2 years ago partnered with a friend from Nevada and her mental health group and clothing company and have an amazing job that I love going to each day. WE DO RECOVER AND WE DO HEAL.
My name is Joshua Nicholson and I am a story of recovery.
