Balancing Sobriety and Motherhood
Photo By Author: Authors two daughters (Fallon and Lilly-Jo)
Motherhood is a beautiful, chaotic journey—one that requires patience, resilience, and an endless supply of love. For those of us in recovery, the challenges of motherhood are compounded by the ongoing commitment to sobriety. It’s a delicate dance, balancing the needs of our children with the imperative of maintaining our own mental and emotional health. But it’s a dance that can be mastered, with grace and intention.
From the pressures of daily parenting, to the triggers that can threaten our recovery, there are ways that I have found to be most helpful when it comes to navigating these waters with confidence. Together, we’ll uncover strategies for creating a supportive environment, prioritizing self-care, and finding strength in our dual roles. Because at the end of the day, being the best mom possible starts with taking care of ourselves first.
Both of my girls were unexpected miracles. Both came at a time where I was at my lowest and they helped pull me out of rough waters. The most important lesson I have learned as a mom - There are no perfect parents. Being the best for my girls, meant that I had to be the best for myself first.
When you are a mom, and struggle with addiction, there is a different expectation held on you. We are supposed to love our children more than our drug of choice. We are supposed to show up as this invincible, responsible, and strong-willed woman. All of the things that come as natural instinct when you become a mother.
Addiction doesn’t care how much you love your children, or how much you want to be better for them. Breaking the harmful and destructive patterns, behaviors, and choices is a challenge all on its own - never mind when you have children counting on you.
Photo By Author: Authors Mom and two daughters
I got pregnant with my oldest, Fallon, when I was 19 years old and in the midst of my chronic IV heroin addiction. My second daughter, Lilly-Jo came right after my boyfriend committed suicide. Juggling my well-being, my sobriety, and being a single mother is still the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
Sobriety doesn’t promise that life will turn out perfect. Even after I found my way to a life in recovery, normal life obstacles were still very much present. Co-parenting with someone who is detrimental to your sobriety and sanity is never easy. Not giving into the sudden urges to relieve myself of the stress and constant overwhelm was something that strengthened with time, and support.
Here are some helpful tips for those who might be struggling not to give into the temptation. You can do this. Your children deserve the best version of you. On the day’s you feel like you can no longer do it, I promise you, you can. It’ll all be worth it. Tough days, are all just passing moments.
1. Prioritize Self-Care
As a mother, your natural instinct is to put your children’s needs first, often at the expense of your own. However, in sobriety, taking care of yourself is essential. Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
Dedicate time each day to activities that nourish your body, mind, and spirit. Whether it’s journaling, taking a walk, or simply enjoying a quiet cup of coffee before the kids wake up, these moments of self-care will help recharge you, and trust me…. you need it.
One of the most difficult decisions I ever had to make, was to leave my daughter in the care of my mother and father, while I tried to get sober. I knew it was something that I had to do, if I was ever going to be the mother she truly deserved. Sometimes, putting our kids first looks different. Do what you know you need to do, even if it’s hard.
Tip: Create a self-care routine that fits into your daily schedule. Even 10 minutes can make a huge difference in your mood and outlook.
2. Establish Healthy Boundaries
Motherhood comes with many demands, and it’s easy to stretch yourself too thin. Establishing healthy boundaries is crucial in maintaining your sobriety and sanity. This might mean saying no to certain social events or delegating tasks to others. Remember, it’s okay to ask for help. You don’t have to do it all alone.
Tip: Practice saying “no” without guilt. Remind yourself that your well-being is a priority and that setting boundaries is a form of self-respect.
3. Find Your Support System
In both motherhood and sobriety, having a solid support system is key. Surround yourself with people who uplift you and understand your journey. Whether it’s a close friend, a family member, or a support group, having someone to lean on during tough times can make all the difference.
Don’t put yourself in a position to suffer.
I struggle, still, with asking for help. I feel obligated to always make it seem like I can handle shit all on my own - that has only led to burnout, episodes of depression, and shutting down. I would be totally lost without my sponsor, my mother, and the few close mom friends that I have. If you don’t feel like you have similar connections in your own life, I strongly encourage you to find them. There are people that care and will stand in your corner.
Tip: Join a local or online support group specifically for sober moms. Connecting with others who are in similar situations can provide a sense of community and understanding.
4. Practice Mindfulness
Sobriety requires staying present and mindful, which can be challenging amid the chaos of parenting. Practicing mindfulness can help you stay grounded and focused, allowing you to respond to situations with clarity and calmness. The moments you are sure you’re at your wits end and you can’t take it anymore, take a moment for yourself. This means leaving your child in a safe place, momentarily, while you take a second to regroup, breathe, and work through your current emotions.
Tip: Incorporate mindfulness into your daily routine. This could be as simple as taking deep breaths before responding to your child’s needs or setting aside a few minutes for meditation each day.
5. Celebrate Small Wins
This doesn’t mean with a glass of wine at the end of the day. Both motherhood and sobriety are journeys filled with ups and downs. It’s important to recognize and celebrate your small victories along the way. Whether it’s making it through a tough day without a drink or managing a tantrum with patience, these moments are worth acknowledging.
Tip: Keep a journal of your daily wins. Reflecting on your progress can boost your confidence and motivate you to keep going.
6. Be Kind to Yourself
The dual role of mother and sober warrior is no small feat, and it’s essential to practice self-compassion. There will be days when you feel overwhelmed or unsure, and that’s okay. Allow yourself grace and remember that you’re doing your best.
Tip: Replace self-criticism with positive affirmations. Remind yourself daily that you are strong, capable, and deserving of love and happiness.
7. Distance yourself from negativity
One of the biggest challenges I faced, was listening to the cruel opinions of others while I was attempting to get my life together. Listening to bullshit from old acquaintances, or my child’s father, set me back, on more than one occasion. Words can majorly dictate our progress. Don’t question yourself as a mother, if you know you are truly doing your best. Don’t question if your children would be better off without you. Don’t stop giving your recovery everything that you have. Your children will thank you for it. You will thank yourself for it. They need you.
Tip: Practice setting healthy boundaries. Don’t allow yourself to receive harsh criticism or others to put you back in a position to use. Do not allow anyone else to hinder your recovery, and stop you from being the parent you’re capable of being. Practice positive self-affirmations. Turn to positive support if needed.
8. Stay Connected to Your Sobriety Tools
This is super important! Sometimes, especially when we gain a decent amount of sober time, it’s easy to think we have this all figured out. We tend to drift away from the things that helped us maintain sobriety in the first place. When you are a mother, and have other responsibilities, it’s easy to let your sobriety tools take back seat. Whether it’s attending meetings, working with a sponsor, or using sobriety apps, staying connected to your sobriety tools is crucial. These resources provide structure and support, helping you stay on track even during challenging times.
Tip: Schedule regular check-ins with your sobriety resources, just like you would with any other important appointment. Consistency is key.
9. Involve Your Kids in Your Journey
Depending on their age, involving your children in your sobriety journey can be a positive experience for both of you. Explain to them in an age-appropriate way why sobriety is important to you and how it helps you be a better mom. This can foster understanding and strengthen your bond. My oldest daughter was not old enough to understand when I first went to rehab, and countless treatments, and jail. As she got older, I became more transparent about my journey. (within reason of course). She knows mommy was sick, and I had to go away for a while to get better. She knows I do not drink and we spend time now doing things together that I am fully present for.
Tip: Create fun, healthy activities you can do together, like cooking a nutritious meal, going for a walk, or practicing yoga. These activities not only support your sobriety but also create lasting memories with your children.
For all the mommas out there….. You are doing great. None of this is easy. Give yourself grace. Take time to appreciate all that is going right. God gave you the challenges you face, because you are more than capable of enduring them. You are strong. You are brave. You are worth a blessed and abundant life for you and your babies. Keep going. You got this shit!
If you have experience navigating sobriety and motherhood, we would love to hear from you! Your stories, tips, and insights could be incredibly valuable to others on this journey. Leave it in the comments. Remember, you are never alone, and I'm always here to offer support and guidance. Don’t hesitate to reach out—whether it’s to share your experience or to connect with others here within the recovery community. Together, we are stronger.
For mom’s who are anything like me, and can find value in staying organized. Feel free to download our brand new Mom Life Planner. This planner was created with mom’s who do all of the things in mind. It can be overbearing to stay on top of all the things we have to do and prioritize our well-being. This planner helps you cover all of it! Put it to good use :)
