Does Drinking Alone Mean I Have A Problem?
I never wanted to admit that alcohol was a problem. Compared to all the other things I had gotten myself in to and made a mess of my life over - alcohol was nothing. Or, at least that’s what I had myself convinced of.
Because drinking is so normalized, it didn’t make sense to me that other people could do it and not fuck up their entire life. Yet, when I did it, no matter how much I tried to justify the circumstances, or moderate, I still ended up making a complete mess of everything.
I started drinking as a teenager, partying on weekends with friends. It was fun then, but still, I seemed to be the only one out of all my friends that had repercussions for it. Before I had even turned 21, I had accumulated several drinking and driving charges, totaled my dad’s truck, and landed myself on probation.
Drinking always held the promise that I would end up using something else. It increased my desire to want cocaine and other substances. Because alcohol was never truly my drug of choice, when I would justify it by saying,“I’m only drinking” I felt like I was doing myself a favor.
I would lie to myself, knowing damn well that I shouldn’t be drinking because I knew where it always led me. I would tell myself that this time was different. I would compromise and set limitations that I never stuck to. Trying to negotiate my own drinking to myself took the “fun” right out of everything. Every time I would fail, it was a reminder as to why I shouldn’t drink to begin with. I would swear I was done. Then go right back and do it all over again.
I stopped social drinking quite early on. I never wanted to feel like others were uncomfortable around me because they knew I shouldn’t be drinking - yet I was still choosing to. I never wanted to deal with the anxiety of others opinions or judgement. So, I resorted to drinking alone.
Drinking alone allowed room for no one other than myself to have a say or keep tabs on what I was doing. I didn’t want my drinking to be an indicator that I was going to spiral out of control. Even though slowly but surely that’s exactly what it did.
Over time, my motivations shifted. Drinking alone was never really about enjoyment, it became more about necessity. It became the one thing each day I would look forward to. It was my coping mechanism for unresolved pain, loneliness, and the anxiety I didn’t want to deal with properly.
I would drink when the boredom set in and it felt like the right thing to do to take up my time. I drank when I was dealt heartache and I didn’t want to face it sober. I drank when I was too hungover to want to deal with the day without drinking again. There was never “just one” Not ever. When I drank alone I didn’t feel like I had to put the efforts into lying to myself anymore. I could be a total mess - behind closed doors.
Please note: Drinking alleviated absolutely none of my problems. Not even a little and not even for a short amount of time.
I would drink when I was sad which only made me that much more depressed once the alcohol set in. I would drink to occupy my time and then I was left alone to sit with my thoughts which was even worse.
This doesn’t go to say that everyone who drinks alone is like me. This doesn’t mean people aren’t capable of having one or two drinks for fun or relaxation. I just know I wished that could’ve been me for a very long time. It wasn’t. And, still isn’t.
I know firsthand how the line between casual drinking and dependency can blur. In my recovery, I've had to confront hard truths and understand what truly constituted my relationship with alcohol. Here’s what I learned and the facts that can help you identify if you or someone you love might be struggling with alcoholism.
Facts About Alcohol Use and Dependency
Alcohol use disorder (AUD) is more common than we might think, affecting millions worldwide. The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism notes that AUD can range from mild to severe, and many people with the disorder continue their lives unaware that their behavior has shifted into problematic territory. Drinking alone, while not inherently problematic, can sometimes signal underlying issues, especially if it becomes routine or if it’s done in secret.
Red Flags to Identify Alcoholism
So, how do you decipher whether drinking alone points to a problem? Here are some key indicators:
Frequency and Intensity: Are you reaching for a drink alone every night or multiple times a week? The more frequent and intense the solo drinking sessions become, the more concerning they are.
Motivation: Are you drinking to escape reality, mask emotions, or manage stress? Drinking as a form of self-medication is a strong indicator of alcohol dependency.
Loss of Control: Do you often plan to have just one drink but end up drinking more than intended?
Neglecting Responsibilities: Is drinking alone interfering with your ability to take care of work, family, or daily obligations?
Cravings and Withdrawal: Do you feel physical cravings when you’re not drinking? Have you experienced withdrawal symptoms such as shakiness or anxiety when you try to cut back?
Hiding Behavior: Are you embarrassed or secretive about drinking alone, avoiding telling others about it or hiding the amount you consume?
My drinking was affecting all areas of my life. Even though I did my best to keep it a secret, it was hard not to see the aftermath reflecting in my day-to-day life. My drinking would start with the intention of only being “this one time” to every other day, to every day.
It became all I was fixated about. I would struggle through the work day, or tasks I was obligated to fulfill, with nothing but the thought that when I was done I could finally reach for a drink.
Life is hard. Doing it hungover and feeling like shit always makes it harder. I became exhausted of the cycle. I was finding that no matter how much I felt like shit the morning after, and no matter how much of a struggle it was to get out of bed and be an adult, it still didn’t stop me from later on in the evening going right back for more.
The Difference Between Normalcy and Alcohol Dependence When Drinking Alone
Drinking alone is not, by default, a sign of alcoholism. The distinction lies in why and how often you do it. For example:
Occasional Solitary Drinkers: These individuals might have a glass of wine while reading or enjoy a beer while watching a game. Their motivations are typically pleasure, not necessity.
Alcohol-Dependent Solitary Drinkers: Those with a dependency often drink alone to escape, numb themselves, or satisfy a craving that feels uncontrollable. The act is fueled by an emotional or physical need rather than simple enjoyment.
Tips for Assessing Your Relationship with Alcohol
If you’re questioning whether your solitary drinking is a sign of alcoholism, here are some tips to help assess your behavior:
Keep a Drinking Journal: Track when and why you drink. This can reveal patterns you might not notice otherwise.
Ask Yourself Honest Questions: Why do you drink alone? Is it for relaxation, or is it to avoid dealing with difficult emotions?
Speak to Trusted Friends or Family: Often, others can see patterns in your behavior that you might overlook.
Seek Professional Guidance: Therapists, addiction counselors, and support groups can provide insight and help you make sense of your relationship with alcohol.
From personal experience, these steps can be rather helpful if carried out. A good indicator of alcohol dependency is if these steps seem unmanageable. I know I was not willing to turn to friends and family to discuss my drinking, because I already knew that I shouldn’t be drinking and what they would say. Being honest with myself was the hardest yet most beneficial part of breaking the cycle.
I had to stop lying to myself. I had to remind myself and “play the tape” all the way through any time I thought revisiting alcohol was a good idea. Any time I tried to talk myself into negotiating my sobriety, I had to successfully and realistically replay all the scenarios and times prior that things went to utter shit.
Drinking alone doesn’t automatically mean you have a problem, but understanding the motivations and frequency behind it is crucial. If you’re unsure, remember that you don’t have to navigate this on your own. Reach out, reflect, and know that change is always possible. Sobriety is a path that starts with just one step—and that step can be as simple as asking yourself if you’re truly in control of your relationship with alcohol.
If anything I’ve shared resonates with you, or if you feel the need to explore and understand your relationship with alcohol more, I invite you to download the free assessment linked below. This quick, easy, and insightful tool offers a brief overview of the role alcohol may play in your life. By breaking down your habits and motivations, this assessment helps you reflect on the potential impact and guides you toward identifying the next steps that may benefit your well-being. Take a moment for yourself and some honest self-reflection. Click Here To Download!!
Remember, you are not alone on this journey! If you feel like you could benefit from extra support I would love to hear from you! I will make sure to do everything I can to help set you up for success. Let’s get connected! Sign up for a free consultation today & let’s start working on taking the next step forward. You can do this shit! Click Here To Get Started!
