Is Working A 12 Step Program Effective?
I “white knuckled” my sobriety for years before I broke out of my comfort zone to do things differently.
I had been to countless programs - inpatient rehab, outpatient rehab, one on one counseling, therapists, behavioral modification programs, jail, treatment court, you name it, I was there…. and nothing “fixed” me.
It seemed that I could gain all the knowledge in the world in regard to my disease, but I was still unable to manage it. I found myself in the same destructive cycle over and over and over again.
It took me a long time and many failed attempts of falling on my face to realize there was no magic cure. There was no medication, no class, no therapy, no professional that was going to take control of my life and resolve all of my issues.
The work on my recovery and the long-term success I found ended up being due to the switch in my perspective and how I choose to utilize what I learned and implement it into a new way of living.
I avoided going to meetings, working a program, or getting a sponsor for YEARS. It was always strongly recommended and didn’t appeal. I always had enough on my plate and it seemed like one more pain in the ass thing to add to my agenda. I was not interested.
I was uncomfortable entering an unfamiliar setting with unfamiliar faces. I knew damn well I wasn’t going to willingly sign myself up to do any sort of public speaking. The fear of not having a say in that was enough for me to stay far away. I rejected the invite and went on with my life.
In 2019, after about a year of continued sobriety, and rebuilding my life - I relapsed. I was so disappointed in myself. That was the longest I was ever willingly sober. I couldn’t believe after all that time and all the work I had done to avoid using, that I ended up right back to where I was so accustomed to being.
Rock bottom.
I remember convincing myself that this is all my life would ever be. For the first time, I had some hope that I was finally going to be normal. I had finally gotten my shit together and was just starting to live a normal life. I was doing all of the things I never thought I could - just to be pulled right back to square one and be forced to start all over. Again.
The quote “nothing changes if nothing changes” kept replaying in my mind. I knew that I had to do something different. I knew the things I was fearful of doing, were probably going to be the things that benefited me the most. I just had a hard time admitting that to myself. If I was going to avoid them, then I was putting myself in the position to stay stuck on this repetitive route forever.
I wasn’t willing to do that anymore.
The two biggest things I had to focus on that helped me re-route were: honesty and listening. I had to be honest with myself, like truly honest with myself. Admitting that you’re not always right or that you don’t always know what’s best, can be a major blow to your ego. Let it go. When others who had my best interest at heart spoke, gave me advice, or guidance, I bit my tongue and listened. Turns out the whole world wasn’t against me. It was me vs.me. Weird.
2019, I made the decision to give meetings a try. I reached out to a woman who was friends with a friend of mine. I had heard she went to meetings. I messaged her and told her I was interested in going and she offered to bring me with her.
Skip to present day, and that same woman is my sponsor. She has been for the last almost 6 years now. I was a bridesmaid in her wedding. She introduced me to what remain a good handful of my closest friends. She worked and walked with me through my 12 steps. She motivated me and gave me courage to start sharing my own story. I still routinely attend meetings and events. I have continued shared my experience, strength, and hope with others in hopes of helping someone else who is exactly like me.
So please, let this be the message you take away: do the hard thing. Do the thing that scares you. Do the thing that forces you to be uncomfortable. Those are the things that allow you to grow and promotes change. Working a program and getting a sponsor was a major turning point in my recovery.
Let it be known that everyone’s road to recovery is different. What works for one may not be what is in the best interest of the next person. There is no right or wrong way to recover. This message isn’t to persuade you that the only way to get and stay sober is to go to meetings and work the 12 steps.
This is just advice from one addict to another - if meetings are something that you have been avoiding, have not yet tried, or are somewhat interested in getting your foot in the door - this can be helpful in setting you up for success in doing so.
What Are The 12 Steps?
The 12 steps provide a structured framework for individuals seeking freedom from addiction. Rooted in personal responsibility, spiritual growth, and mutual support, the steps guide you through a process of self-reflection, acknowledging past harms, making amends, and fostering a healthier way of living. They are designed to help you gain insight into your behaviors, build resilience, and develop meaningful connections with others on your recovery journey, offering both accountability and hope for lasting change.
What Are The Benefits ?
The 12 Steps offer numerous benefits. They provide a clear and structured path to self-improvement. The steps foster emotional and spiritual growth, promoting healthier coping mechanisms and resilience in the face of challenges. Working a 12 step program connects you to individuals within a supportive community, which reduces feelings of isolation and offers encouragement from others who understand the journey. Ultimately, the 12 Steps will help you rebuild your life, maintain sobriety, and find a renewed sense of purpose and fulfillment.
how long does it take to work a 12 step program?
The time it takes to work through a 12-step program varies greatly from person to person. Some individuals may move through the steps in a few months, while others may take years, revisiting steps as needed. The process is VERY personal and depends on factors such as the complexity of one's recovery journey, their level of commitment, and their readiness to face each step. The program is designed to be ongoing, as maintaining recovery often involves revisiting steps throughout one's life.
how to get started?
The first step is finding a local or virtual group, such as Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) or Narcotics Anonymous (NA), that fits your needs. Attend meetings regularly to familiarize yourself with the program's structure and principles. A key part of beginning is acknowledging that you need help and committing to the process of recovery. Many individuals choose to work with a sponsor—someone who has experience in the program and can provide guidance, support, and accountability. From there, you can begin working through the steps one at a time, ideally with the guidance of your sponsor, at a pace that feels right for you.
Alcoholics Anonymous (AA):
Visit the official AA website at www.aa.org and use their meeting locator tool to find in-person or virtual meetings in your area.Narcotics Anonymous (NA):
Search for NA meetings at www.na.org. Their website includes a searchable database for local meetings and online options.SMART Recovery (alternative to 12-step programs):
Find meetings, tools, and support at www.smartrecovery.org. SMART Recovery focuses on self-management and is an option for those seeking a different approach.
how do I find a sponsor?
A sponsor is a vital part of working a 12-step program. They are going to be the person who uses their own experience from maintaing long-term sobriety and their own journey working the steps to guide you. To find an appropriate sponsor:
Attend Regular Meetings: Consistently go to meetings and get to know others who are further along in their recovery. Pay attention to those whose recovery you admire and who share experiences or values that resonate with you.
Look for Stability: Choose someone who has been sober for a significant amount of time (usually at least a year) and is actively working their own program. They should have a clear understanding of the 12 Steps and demonstrate stability in their recovery.
Seek Compatibility: A sponsor doesn’t have to be your best friend, but it’s important to feel comfortable and safe talking with them. Choose someone who listens without judgment and communicates clearly.
Ask Questions: When approaching a potential sponsor, ask about their experience, approach to sponsorship, and availability to guide you. It’s okay to take time to ensure it’s a good fit.
Trust the Process: Remember, a sponsor doesn’t need to be perfect—they just need to have the experience and willingness to help guide you. If the relationship isn’t working, it’s okay to respectfully seek another sponsor.
Taking the time to find the right sponsor can make a big difference in your recovery. Don’t be afraid to ask for help—most people in the program are honored to support others on their journey.
the 12 steps
We admitted we were powerless —that our lives had become unmanageable.
Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
If you are considering or have already started working on a 12 step program I just wanted to commend you for your commitment to your recovery. I know it’s not easy. The 12 steps are designed to be done in a fashion that breaks you down, allowing you to rebuild better than before. I am so proud of you. I am so excited for this part of your journey and where it is going to take you.
If you are interested below I have linked a FREE DOWNLOAD. Designed to support and enhance your work as you progress through the program.
This resource does not replace the vital work to be done in meetings or with your sponsor but serves as a helpful tool to keep you focused and intentional in your recovery.
Here’s what’s included:
12-Step Reference Guide: All 12 Steps are clearly listed for easy access and reflection, so you always have them at your fingertips.
Step-by-Step Breakdown: Gain a clear understanding of each step, how it relates to your recovery, and why it’s a crucial part of the process.
Thought-Provoking Questions: Explore follow-up questions tailored to each step, designed to help you apply its principles to your personal journey.
This free tool is here to help you stay motivated, gain clarity, and deepen your connection to the 12 Steps. Whether you're just starting out or revisiting the steps, this resource is a valuable addition to your recovery toolbox.
>>Click here to download for free<<
Also, linked below you will find our 12 Step workbook available for purchase. This physical copy allows you a more in-depth walk through of each step, reflection pages, meeting note pages, an extended 4th step section, and more!
