Emotional Triggers and Relapse: Actionable Steps To Detach and Continue Your SObriety
We’ve all been there - life hits us hard. You loose your job, a loved one passes away, you get your heart broken. The perfect reason to want to give up and jump ship.
One of the most detrimental aspects of my recovery, throughout the years, has been the emotionally turbulent moments that arose and that I wanted nothing more than to escape.
Life doesn’t pause just because you’re in recovery - it continues to throw challenges your way. Let this be your reminder and the motivation you need to always choose you. No matter what and under any circumstance… please…..
Choose you.
The Importance of Detachment
When we face difficult situations, it’s natural to feel overwhelmed, sad, angry, or lost.
During my journey, I’ve learned that emotional triggers can be incredibly persuasive. They tell us that using substances might numb the pain, even if just for a moment.
In reality, using again doesn’t take away the hurt - it only postpones it, and often makes things worse in the long run.
One of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned is the importance of detachment. This doesn’t mean being cold or unemotional; rather, it’s about not allowing outside elements to have control over your internal state.
Life can be painful, yes, but we can’t allow things to dictate our actions or control our recovery. Detaching from external events means recognizing that, while you can’t always control what happens to you, you can control how you respond to it.
Emotional triggers can be dangerous because they make us vulnerable. When we’re in pain, our defenses are down, and the idea of seeking comfort in substances can be appealing.
That’s why it’s so important to understand how to separate your emotions from your actions (easier said than done, I know). You can feel sad, angry, or lost without letting those feelings drive you back to old habits.
Detachment doesn’t mean you don’t care—it means you care enough about yourself to protect your sobriety and well-being.
hard lessons learned
In 2019, I got into my first serious relationship since getting sober. I had been working my recovery. I had gotten a sponsor. I was going to meetings. I was working full-time. I was doing all the things.
That relationship brought me so much happiness. He was picture perfect in my eyes, everything that I thought I would never have when I was stuck in active addiction, he gave to me once I found recovery. I felt like that relationship was my reward for getting my life together.
There was so much love, so much fun, so many laughs. I genuinely thought that I was going to spend the rest of my life with this person.
A year and a half into our relationship, things flipped upside down, red flags that were ignored came to surface - the relationship completely crumbled….. and it ruined me.
Everything that I had done to maintain my sobriety, everything I had learned in my recovery journey, seemed to go right out the window. I was just so sad. I was so heartbroken.
I turned to alcohol.
Do you know what that did? Absolutely nothing. It did nothing to fix the situation. It did nothing to alleviate my pain. If anything, it made things a lot worse and a lot harder to clean up.
Due to the drinking I received back-to-back drinking and driving charges. So, on top of trying to mend my heart, I now had legal trouble and additional stress to worry about. Now there was certainly enough reason for me to want to keep drinking, but mentally I knew it was only going to get worse and worse.
I knew I had to buckle down and handle my shit. This is what life was. This was the reality of the situation. I had already done enough damage and it was time to walk away with what little bit of the dignity I had left.
Resorting to alcohol when I got my heart broken did nothing to fix it. It did not mend the relationship. It did not bring him back. It did not make him feel bad. It did not make me look good. All it did was make it 10x harder for me to get my life back together.
breaking the cycle
While it’s impossible to avoid emotional pain, you get to choose how you respond. Detachment isn’t about denying your feelings; it’s about not allowing those feelings to take the wheel. It’s about finding a place of peace within yourself that remains untouched by the chaos of the outside world.
For me, this journey has been about learning to navigate life’s difficulties without relying on old habits to numb the pain. It hasn’t been easy, and there are still days when I feel the pull of those triggers.
But each day I choose not to give in, I grow stronger. I remind myself that while I can’t control everything that happens to me, I can control how I respond, and that power is something no one can take away. Let this be the reminder that you need to do the same.
Relapse does not have to be a part of the narrative. Unfortunately, for me it was. The most important thing I have come to learn after falling down and getting back up more times than I can count is this: Everything serves a purpose. Relapse gives you the opportunity to learn what you need to and equip you to keep moving forward. It does not dismiss all of the progress you have made prior. It is not the end of your story.
Relapse leads to redirection, and sometimes that’s what we need. The lessons and obstacles learned after navigating that heartbreak and relapse were needed. They helped better prepare me for the future events that would eventually take place. When that time hit - I handled things differently.
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgement.
September 2023, my current boyfriend, Nick, took his own life. I lost him to suicide. I share a lot about my journey through grief and the things that I have learned and how I have been able to maintain my sobriety since his passing.
The lessons that I learned from my previous heartbreak carried over. I had more than enough proof of my repetitive patterns - I knew exactly what I would be signing myself up for if I went back to coping in the ways I had become so accustomed to.
This thought process is how I was able to manage my recovery while my heart was heavy after Nicks passing.
It doesn't go to say that there hasn’t been moments where I thought about throwing my hands in the air and giving it all up, or the thought that a cold Budweiser wouldn't help me alleviate my emotions after a long day. It wasn't that there wasn't a thought that without him here, life wasn't worth living. There was…
I'm very grateful that I was able to navigate those emotions by using some of the things that I'm gonna share with you below. These are some of the things that helped me manage and regulate my emotions to keep me sober during that time, while my old patterns would've resorted me back to drinking or using.
Actionable Steps to Detach and Protect Your Sobriety
Recognize and Acknowledge Your Triggers:
Pay attention to what situations, people, or thoughts trigger cravings or feelings of wanting to use. Recognizing your triggers gives you the power to take control instead of letting them control you.
Practice Mindfulness and Grounding Techniques:
When you’re faced with overwhelming emotions, grounding techniques can help you regain control. Breathing exercises, meditation, and mindfulness practices can help you stay in the moment rather than letting your mind spiral into negative thoughts. If you find yourself getting worked up, take a moment to breathe deeply and focus on your surroundings.
Create a Buffer Between Your Emotions and Your Actions:
One of the biggest challenges in recovery is learning to feel your emotions without reacting to them impulsively. When a triggering event occurs, give yourself time to process what you’re feeling before making any decisions. Journaling can be a great way to let out your emotions without turning to substances. Write down how you’re feeling, why you think you’re feeling that way, and what you can do to take care of yourself.
Part of detaching involves setting boundaries, especially when it comes to toxic relationships or situations that drain your energy. If someone or something is consistently triggering you, don’t be afraid to create space between yourself and that element. Your sobriety should always come first, and it’s okay to put up boundaries to protect it.
Focus on What You Can Control:
Life is full of unpredictable events, and trying to control everything will only lead to frustration and disappointment. Focus on what you can control—your thoughts, your actions, and your attitude. This shift in perspective helps prevent external events from overpowering you.
Recovery is not a solo journey. When you’re feeling triggered, reach out to your support network. Whether it’s friends, family, a sponsor, or a support group, talking about what you’re going through can be a huge relief. It’s okay to ask for help when you need it, and sometimes just knowing that someone is there can make all the difference.
Develop a Healthy Outlet for Emotions:
Detachment doesn’t mean suppressing your feelings. It means finding healthier ways to express them. Whether it’s through art, music, writing, exercise, or another hobby, having a creative outlet can help you work through difficult emotions without feeling like you need to escape them.
Create a Daily Affirmation Routine:
Start each day with affirmations that reinforce your strength and commitment to sobriety. Remind yourself that you are in control of your actions, even when life throws difficult situations your way. This can help reinforce a positive mindset and prepare you for whatever challenges you may face.
Plan for Difficult Times:
There will be tough days, and that’s okay. Have a plan for what to do when those days come. This could include making a list of emergency contacts, engaging in a calming activity, or even setting up a reward system for yourself when you make it through a particularly tough situation without using.
Remind Yourself of Your ‘Why’:
In moments of pain, it’s easy to lose sight of why you chose sobriety in the first place. Keep reminders around your home, in your car, or on your phone about why you made the decision to get sober. It could be for your health, your family, your future, or simply to live a life you’re proud of. Whatever your reasons, hold on to them tightly.
If you’re struggling right now, I want you to know that you’re not alone. Life will test you, but you have the strength to pass those tests. Don’t let outside elements dictate your journey. You are in control, and every day you choose sobriety is a day you take back your life. Stay strong, stay connected, and above all…….
choose you.
You’ve got this shit xo
I want to hear from you. Have you ever faced a situation where emotional triggers threatened your recovery? What steps did you take to overcome those challenges and stay on the path to sobriety? Share your experiences in the comments below. Your story might be the encouragement someone else needs to keep going, and together, we can build a community of support and strength.
If you're currently struggling with emotional triggers and feeling like they might lead you off track, you don’t have to face this battle alone. I understand how challenging it can be, and I’m here to help. I offer 1:1 virtual mentoring services to support individuals on their road to recovery, providing personalized guidance, encouragement, and actionable strategies to get back on track. If you’re ready to take that next step, click the link below to schedule a free discovery call with me. We can connect, chat, and see if we’d be a good fit to work together on your journey. Don’t let the weight you’re carrying make you feel like you have to do this alone—let’s navigate this path to recovery together.
