THE GIRL YOU ONCE KNEW

A part of my story, a tale to be told

The hidden meaning, more solid than gold.

For the longest time, I couldn’t own myself

Put all my mistakes up high on a shelf.

It all happened fast, and oh so quick,

Those demons themselves, don’t care who they pick.

Addiction, attachment, to me it's the same,

My lifestyle, the drugs, it’s far from a game.

Where I sit now has come from a path

One I witnessed it’s fire and wrath.

Go back to the beginning and there you’ll see

A different girl and she’s not me.

That girl you see, yeah I put her to rest,

The day I gave those drugs a test.

I’ll tell you right now, it didn’t start this way

And for sure wasn’t all from just one bad day.

Having fun and just smoking weed,

To others that might be all you need.

Hiding for me that’s just not the case,

Where’s the next high? I’m on that chase.

Partied every weekend. I funneled my beer.

Who ever knew the next step was near.

Everyone was doing it, so why not me too?

Don’t you know that shit will have you stuck like glue?

Doing lines with friends, turned into doing lines alone

Ever touched cocaine? That’ll put you in the zone.

Money spent on weekends and sharing with friends

Turned into a habit that just had no end.

As time went on, yeah things got worse

My own personal stash in my purse

Some have their favorite, I’ve tried them all

Who wants a little? Throw me a ball.

From sniffing to smoking, from dope to crack

Pick up that needle, you’ll never go back.

The phases themselves, would come and then go,

Next comes heroin, or as some call it “slow”

Won’t give all the details of the mess you made,

But trust me now my debts have been paid.

You tore me apart; inside and out

Getting sober? Ha, I sure had my doubts.

God gave me a reason and a will to try

Two baby girls and an amazing guy.

They tell you to stop, it gets much worse,

Lower and lower, as if it’s a curse.

You’ll lose your family, your child, your home.

You’ll have nothing left, and sit all alone.

You choose every time to go and not listen,

So nobody pities your tears that glisten.

They all get tired and they all walk away,

While you battle this shit for another day.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had clean time before,

Times where I got myself up off the floor.

Every time I would stand back up tall,

I’d come right back down, smash into that wall.

Never failed, there I go straight back

To that losing feeling and all that I lack

Here I am trading one thing for another,

All I ever wanted was to be a good mother.

My run with heroin was at its very peak,

And I knew at that time, I needed to speak.

I’ve faded out, and I’ve turned blue.

I’m scared, I’m sick, what the fuck do I do?

Rehab again, only for me to return,

What lessons this time did you really learn?

Same old friends, with the same old faces,

Same old trap, and same old places

I’ve said it so many times before,

Addiction is nothing but a revolving door.

Heroin then got pushed to the side,

“Hey Kid” go take alcohol for a ride.

Over Twenty-one and of course, it’s legal

No question that that shit could ever be lethal.

No more hard drugs. I’m all in the clear.

“Hey Yo !” someone grab me another beer!”

No matter how many, it was never enough,

Here, switch to liquor, it might be rough.

Gin in my coffee, and whiskey for lunch,

I’d drink and I’d drink there was never too much.

Every day, all day, drink to get drunk,

Take a good look Heidi, how far you’ve sunk.

Go get help and fix this all,

Can't you see there’s no time to stall?

Once again, and there I go

Here we are, a whole new low.

Left for rehab and come right back,

To see my past right there in a stack.

The pain, the hurt, the damage done,

The answer to fix this? Ya.. There is none.

Probation, meetings, and another drug test

My daily routines that I know best.

People don’t get it, you're just a disgrace

But don’t forget recovery comes at your very own pace.

I stopped the drinking and moved on from you,

No more needles, that goes for the heroin too.

My last vice and fix to tell,

A poisonous one who can put on a spell

This will be the last thing I give to you…

A tribute to Meth and all that you do.

Our relationship lasted quite a while,

And in that time you took my smile.

Found myself in such a dark place,

Depression and loneliness, you took that space.

The first time I touched you I’ll never forget,

My life you took and all the regret.

All my friends you helped lead to the ground,

My days started to pass without any sound.

Took my world and turned it to grey,

Your power’s so strong, that’s all that I’ll say.

You took everything that you could take,

My confidence and pride for goodness sake.

My parents cried up late at night,

Both did everything they could to help me fight.

I sneak, I steal, I downright lie.

Anything at all, just to get high.

You lead me to rehab and some shithole jail,

Misguided me, tore down my sail.

My addiction, attachments, and ties to you

Turned my life into a goddamn zoo.

Your grasp, your hold, is far from mild

Because of you, I can't hold my child.

You took me for everything, for all that I had,

So, to still be alive, I’m more than glad.

Scabs on my face, my skin turned to ash

You took everything, all my cash.

The feeling you give me there’s no compare,

Go off on my binges, and people stare.

There’s no moderation, I can’t just do some

The minute I touch you, it’s a wrap, I’m done.

I’ve tried so hard to keep you around,

Without anyone else seeing me fall to the ground.

I can’t deny it and I’ll say it to your face.

You’re full of disappointment, and a big disgrace.

I never knew how I would live without you,

But today I can finally see I do.

Making new habits, and hobbies for fun,

I hope this shows you that you have not won.

I see my life in a brand new way

And thank God for it every single day.

For so long I thought you were just what I needed,

Never helped me while I sat there pleading.

All the damages and things you caused,

Time all wasted, my life stuck on “pause”

I’ll never forget you and the things you’ve shown,

But I’m leaving now, I’m full-grown.

I face my battles still to this day.

But I can promise that’s in a whole new way.

The life you took that’s all In the past

The one I have now is built to last.

Come back and tempt me, yeah, knock on that door.

That girl you once knew, ha yeah she doesn’t live there anymore.