Trauma Responses
In life we often encounter moments that leave indelible marks on our psyche. For me, these marks were not merely scars - they became the framework through which I navigated the world.
As I reflect on my journey, I am compelled to delve into the complex terrain of trauma responses – a terrain I intimately know from years of grappling with addiction, mental health, my boyfriends suicide, and a series of other unfortunate life events.
In the throes of active addiction, my trauma responses shaped my actions, thoughts, and perceptions. They became the invisible threads binding my past traumas to my present reality. Yet, it wasn't until I embarked on the path of recovery that I truly began to unravel their grip on my life.
Through introspection and therapy, I learned to recognize these responses for what they were: survival mechanisms forged in the crucible of adversity.
They were my mind's attempts to shield me from further harm, even as they sometimes perpetuated cycles of self-destruction. But with each step forward in my sobriety, I gained the tools to confront these responses head-on.
Understanding my trauma responses became pivotal to my well-being in recovery. It empowered me to dissect the tangled web of emotions and behaviors that once seemed insurmountable. By pinpointing their origins and patterns, I could begin the work of untangling them, one thread at a time.
But, my journey is not unique. It underscores a universal truth – the importance of being mindful of our trauma responses, both in and outside of recovery. For those on similar journeys, let this be a message of hope - a reminder that healing is possible, and that our past does not dictate our future!
Just as trauma responses can propel us forward, unchecked they can also become stumbling blocks on the path to growth. They have the power to ensnare us in cycles of reactivity and stagnation, hindering our ability to forge meaningful connections and pursue our aspirations.
As we navigate the complexities of our inner worlds, it's essential to approach our trauma responses with compassion and vigilance. They are not flaws to be eradicated, but rather facets of our humanity to be understood and managed.
What Is A Trauma Response?
Self-diagnosing can be easily tempting, especially in the age of easily accessible information online. With a quick search, one might find symptoms that seem to align with their experiences, leading them to believe they have a particular condition or disorder.
It's crucial not to jump to conclusions. While self-awareness and understanding of one's mental health are valuable, they should be complemented by professional guidance and assessment.
Trauma responses can often be misunderstood or oversimplified. A trauma response refers to the emotional, cognitive, and physiological reactions that occur after an individual experiences a distressing or traumatic event. These responses are the mind and body's way of coping with and processing the overwhelming experience. They can manifest in various ways, including:
These responses are not always immediately apparent or recognized as related to trauma. Some major misconceptions people have about trauma responses can be summarized as….
Trauma is always caused by extreme events —> While severe events like natural disasters or violence can certainly lead to trauma, trauma can also result from seemingly less severe experiences, such as emotional abuse, neglect, or ongoing stress.
Trauma responses are uniform —> Trauma responses vary greatly among individuals. What may be traumatic for one person might not be as impactful for another. Similarly, the way trauma manifests can differ widely from person to person.
Trauma responses are signs of weakness —> Experiencing trauma and its associated responses is a natural reaction to distressing events and is not indicative of weakness. It's important to recognize that seeking help and support is a sign of strength.
Trauma can be easily overcome —> Recovery from trauma is a complex and individualized process that takes time and often requires professional support. It's not as simple as "getting over it" or "moving on."
Common Trauma Responses
As someone who has faced various hardships throughout their life, I've become intimately acquainted with the complexities of trauma and its aftermath.
Through my journey, I've learned to recognize and navigate the common trauma responses that often accompany experiences like losing a loved one to suicide, enduring narcissistic abuse, and grappling with years of hard drug use.
Understanding these responses has been instrumental in my healing process, allowing me to confront them head-on and work through the layers of pain and turmoil they bring.
In sharing my experiences, some of these reflections might resonate with you, offering a glimmer of insight or comfort as you navigate your own journey of healing and recovery.
If you are not familiar with my story, this past September, I lost my boyfriend Nick. He was 27 years old and so full of life. His passing altered the course of my entire life.
Navigating and coping with this set of damaging circumstances has been one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do. Losing a loved one, especially in a tragic way, can be over bearing and with no effort at all, can take control over our entire lives.
After losing Nick, there was a constant state of fear instilled within me. There still is. It is something I work through every single day. His abrupt departure left me thinking that every other person in my life was going to exit in the same way.
I’m constantly in preparation for tragedy to strike. I am always in my mind thinking, “What if this is the last time I see them?” “ What if this is the last time I talk to them on the phone?” “ Is this the last time I will kiss my daughters goodnight and tuck them into bed?” I always have those constant intrusive thoughts consuming my day - This is it.
My perception of time has been completely morphed. And, while it is good to always embrace the moments of our lives, to have them hijacked by anxiety and worry, is not enjoyable at all.
Years prior, I had been in a long-term narcissistic relationship. The aftermath of that relationship once it had finally run its course was UGLY. It took a great deal of effort on my part to piece myself back together.
The effects of remaining in an environment like that for as long as I did, left me in poor condition. The path to bettering myself and regaining my value came at the expense of hurting a lot of other people, unintentionally.
After that relationship, I did not trust anybody. I struggled to connect how someone I was so sure was “perfect” managed to completely spiral my entire life out of control. I couldn’t accept that the person I cared for so deeply was the one person who hurt me the most. I was so confused on how I thought I could know someone so well, just to find out that I didn’t truly know them at all.
This left me unable to love or care for anyone else afterwards properly, or at all. I didn’t trust anyone. I didn’t think I was capable of having feelings. I was so numb. All the vulnerability, innocence, and genuine compassion I put into that relationship, for it to turn into what it did?
It left me very cold and bitter towards the world. I hurt others who tried to care for me. I isolated. I hurt others before they had a chance to hurt me, even if that was never on their agenda to begin with.
My years trapped in the grasp of active addiction served as a breeding ground for a myriad of trauma responses. The relentless cycle of substance abuse not only ravaged my physical health but also inflicted profound wounds on my mental state as well.
Year of hard drugs use and severe alcoholism put me in a state of isolation. When I was actively using, I was disconnected from the entire world. All of my friends, family, or social connections were non existent.
When I got sober, I struggled a lot with social interactions and anxiety around other people. I had a hard time going into public places. Something as simple as walking into Walmart to get groceries, was an obstacle I had to overcome.
My addiction dragged me to some dark and unpleasant places. The streets and jail are no place I ever thought I would end up, so when I did, I had to conform and adapt to my surroundings. I had forced myself to hide my emotions or not feel them at all.
I had learned that people didn’t have my best interest at heart, so I kept a guard up at all times. When I stepped out of that lifestyle and tried to regain normalcy in my sobriety, it was hard to change some of those mentalities and behaviors.
HINDERING YOUR RECOVERY
Trauma responses can significantly hinder one's journey towards sobriety, acting as formidable barriers that impede progress and perpetuate the cycle of addiction.
Addressing underlying trauma and building coping skills to manage trauma responses are essential components of holistic recovery programs.
These are some of the ways I personally have seen my recovery suffer due to my inability to work through some of the more difficult trauma responses. Don’t let them hinder you!
Triggers and Cravings: Trauma responses often become intertwined with triggers—people, places, emotions, or situations that evoke distressing memories or emotions associated with past trauma. These triggers can intensify cravings for drugs or alcohol as a means of coping with or numbing the overwhelming feelings triggered by the trauma.
Emotional Dysregulation: Trauma can disrupt the brain's ability to regulate emotions effectively, leading to intense mood swings, impulsivity, and emotional instability. These fluctuations in mood can make it challenging to cope with the stressors and uncertainties of recovery, increasing the likelihood of relapse as a way to regain a sense of control or alleviate distress.
Self-Medication: Individuals may turn to substances as a form of self-medication to alleviate the symptoms of trauma, such as anxiety, depression, or intrusive thoughts. This reliance on substances to manage emotional pain or discomfort can undermine efforts towards sobriety, reinforcing the cycle of addiction and complicating recovery.
Avoidance and Isolation: Trauma responses often include avoidance of reminders of the traumatic event or situations that trigger distressing emotions. This avoidance can lead to social withdrawal and isolation, cutting off crucial sources of support and connection that are essential for maintaining sobriety. Without a strong support system, individuals may find themselves vulnerable to relapse during times of heightened stress or loneliness.
Negative Self-Concept: Trauma can erode self-esteem and self-worth, leaving individuals feeling undeserving of recovery or believing that they are inherently flawed or damaged. These negative self-beliefs can undermine motivation and confidence in one's ability to achieve and sustain sobriety, contributing to feelings of hopelessness and resignation.
Putting The Work In
Healing from trauma is a unique and individual process. What works for one person may not work for another, so it's essential to explore different strategies and find what resonates best with you.
Be patient, kind, and compassionate with yourself as you navigate this journey toward healing and recovery. Working through this shit can be really challenging but is an essential process for healing and personal growth.
Here are several strategies that have helped me and that you can employ to help yourself navigate and overcome these difficulties:
Working through your trauma responses can be a lengthy process. So, give yourself patience, understanding, and a little bit of grace here. It is a remarkable step to take - to start working on yourself and that's where all the credit should be given. Your recovery and future self will thank you greatly for it!
KEEP GOING <3
Let’s come together and offer support! In the comments below feel free to share about your own personal experiences. Do you have any hindering trauma responses? What are some steps that you have taken to work through them?
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